Homecoming

Ottawa-Thursday August 23, 11:30 pm.

We wanted to introduce baby Jasmine to as many family members as we could as we travelled home to Canada. So we decided to fly through Vancouver, with a three hour lay-over, so she could meet her grand-parents on the Thompson side of the family and my brother Matthew.

We landed half an hour early. It took us no time at all to clear immigration, baby Jasmine was travelling on a Chinese passport, and needed a Canadian visa to come to Canada.

Once that was done, we had to check our luggage in at Air Canada.

My cell phone rang, it was my Mother.

"Where are you?" she asked. I described we were behind the glass at arrivals, and that if she moved up to our section of the glass I could show her the baby.

I pushed the stroller up to the window. My Mother was still on the phone, talking and walking, and then she saw Jasmine.

And we both started to cry.

"I love you Mum," I told her in the opening between the glass panels.

"She beautiful." my Mother said.

We finally got our bags through, got through the exit, and found my side of the family.

"This is the best day of my life," my Mother said. After five years of anguish, and grief, and hope, here was baby Jasmine.

We all sat down for lunch, it was delicious. Then Louis, Pierre, Jasmine, and I boarded the plane to Ottawa.

This time it was only a five hour flight. We were veterans.

We arrived right on time, 11:30 in the evening, to a big crowd at the Ottawa International Airport. There were pink and white helium balloons, Pierre's Mum was there, his aunts, cousins from Montreal, one of his student's and his family.

Pierre's Mother was there, Noella, who had taken care of both my children when they were small. I handed her baby Jasmine. I knew she felt the same way I did when I first got a chance to hold her.

Through the crowd I found Tonda MacCharles. She inspired me to make this trip. Two years ago she came to my house, just after I'd gotten out of the hospital after another failed attempt to have a baby.

She had recently brought home baby Li who was about 18 months old from China. "You've got to do this," she said. "It means no more heartbreak, only success."

She was right, I am so thrilled to be baby Jasmine's Mother.

Then there was Hannah Boudreau, another great friend, who has seen me through the worst and the best of the last few years.

"I'd like to ask you to be Jasmine's Godmother," I said.

More tears, and then...."It feels like you just asked me to marry you." Hannah said.

"No, it's easier than that. You just have to spoil her."

And then Aunty Patsy, my own Godmother was there. She too has been with me through some very dark moments. She wrote a letter of recommendation when we applied to adopt baby Jasmine.

Big hugs again.

There was a huge crowd, lots of laughing, and cheering, and picking up baby Jasmine.

When we got home the house was filled with pink and white ballons. There were balloons hanging from the Canadian flag outside. There were sandwiches, and coffee and cake. We had a party that lasted until 2:30 in the morning.

Jasmine ate rice cereal, and some milk. Louis opened presents. Pierre was beaming. I was surprised everyone had gone to so much effort during our absence.

Almost a year ago, a Chinese friend of mine said what touched him the most about Canadian families who adopt Chinese kids is the reception at the airports.

"There is always such a celebration when I fly in from Beijing and there are some adoptees on board," he said.

Now we've had our celebration.

Flight of Joy

Beijing-Thursday August 23.

All of the girls born in 2006 who lived at the Yangxi Social Welfare Institute have the same middle name, Zi, it means purple. "It's a noble colour, that's why I chose it," the orphanage director told us.

At the Forbidden City Jenny told us that "in imperial China, purple was the colour of heaven."

It has been a heavenly month, and as I leave this place I'm feeling a little blue, mixed with purple.

At breakfast in the morning, we made the rounds to all the tables. 14 Canadian families were in our group. What joined us all is our love of children. There was the 47 year old dentist who just wanted one more crack at motherhood after raising several children, there were young couples who had struggled with infertility, there were families who wanted to grow, and add a little sister, there was us.

We'd all pinned our hopes on China, and China came through.

We loaded up our luggage and made our way to the airport. Baby Jasmine was sitting on my lap, as our bus pulled out of the parking lot.

"We'll be back, I promise," I told her.

We got to the airport, it was predictably chaotic. People bumping into each other, bags loaded to the rafters, and me trying to push a stroller through it all. "Baby, baby!!!" I kept saying, hoping people might give baby Jasmine some space.

"That's my husband and my son!!!" I said to one customs officer who wanted Louis and Pierre to move farther down the line.

We got through, got the baby ticket, cleared customs, immigration and security, then we got to the gate.

"They took away my bulkhead seats!" Dave Watts said. He and his wife Lorrie were in our group, and we were dreading the 10 hour flight to Toronto.

"We'll try to sweet-talk the flight attendants," I told him.

We boarded Air Canada flight 030 from Beijing-Vancouver. Pierre, Louis, and I had three bulkhead seats, and baby Jasmine was moving from one lap to another.

I could hear Dave Watts pleading with the flight attendant, there were two seats across the aisle on both sides of us.

A few minutes later Dave sat down, to our left. A Chinese Mother and her 12 year old son, who was carring a violin, said they would exchange seats.

"That's worked out well," I said.

"Yeah, we were worried because the woman on your right refused," Dave said.

The woman was well-dressed, looked Canadian, and was wearing a lot of silver jewellery.

"Not to worry Dave," I said. "If Jasmine decides on projectile vomiting this evening, we'll point her towards the right."

We were all laughing. Dave works in computers at the Royal Military College in Kingston, Ontario. I said we should get the engineers at RMC to figure out the best way to get Jasmine to precision bomb the woman in bulkhead.

"I'll put the cadets on it," Dave said.

There were several families with Chinese babies on our flight. We all had different strategies. I fed baby Jasmine a bottle, and some cereal, and Pierre succeeded in singing her to sleep. The most divine 3 year old who was adopted by a woman in Moose Jaw coped by walking the aisles and making frequest trips to the bathroom. Everytime she passed by she'd talk to baby Jasmine.

"Ni de Ma, Ni de Ma!" the three year old kept repeating and smiling.

"Do you know what she's saying?" I asked her new Mum.

"Nope, we're still trying to figure it out."

And then there was Dave Watts and his wife Lorrie. Realizing that Chinese orphans like to sleep on hard surfaces, Dave unfolded his tray table. Place a pillow on it, and lay his infant daughter on top of the table.

"It works," he said. And he was right. His little girl hardly cried, neither did the others, on our long flight home to Canada.

"Chairman Mao was a very nice man."

Beijing-Tuesday August 21, 2007.

Part of the fun of adopting internationally, is getting to know your daughter's country. Jenny was our guide in Beijing. She is a wonderful woman. Not only did she run all the tours, she also took care of all of the children who were ill. For the first time parents she was a godsend, running up to rooms to teach parents how to change diapers, figure out the right mix for formula, or how to take a baby's temperature.

She also told us many stories about China. She took us one day to Tiannamen Square and the Forbidden City, on another day we went to the Great Wall. On the bus rides on the way over, she gave us a brief description of recent Chinese political history.

"Chairman Mao made his famous speech about the People's Republic of China in 1949 from the balcony of the Forbidden City," Jenny said. "Chairman Mao was a very nice man. Although he made a few mistakes later on in life."

There was Chairman Mao's portrait hanging from that grand building. She told us they change the painting once a year to make sure it looks fresh. There's a lot of pollution in China. I told her we change the Canadian Flag once a day on the Peace Tower on Parliament Hill because we don't want it ever to appear worn or ripped.

But that was it, no discussion of the cultural revolution, or Tiannamen Square, or anything else.

"Deng Xiao-Ping was a very short man," Jenny said. "But a very nice man. He started economic reforms in China."

She added, "Hu Jintao is a very nice man." He's the current President of China.

Jenny may have been brief on Chinese political history, but she had lots to say about Chinese culture. Her family got their first telephone in 1995.

"In the 1970s you were considered rich in China if you had a sewing machine, a bicycle, and a watch." Jenny said. "In the 1980s you were rich if you had a fridge, a television set, and a telephone. Now people are considered rich if they have an apartment, a car, and have one child."

Jenny has a child, an 18 month old boy, who she adores. She works very hard, but said in China they believe it takes six people to raise a child. She counted off the six people, "The Mother and Father, and grandparents on both sides of the family-SIX!" I thought to myself, what a wonderful tradition.

Then she explained why she never takes her jade bracelet off her left wrist. "My husband gave me this bracelet when my son was born," she said. "It means I am a Mother. I never take it off, even when I wash the dishes. It will become deeper in colour, as it gets older. I wear it on my left wrist, because it is closer to my heart. And our tradition is that you only take it off when your daughter marries, then you give it to her."

"Life is getting better, and happier in China." Jenny said. And the evidence of the prosperity she described was all around us. After a month in China, I have to say I love this country. The beauty of the countryside, the generosity of the grannies, the hope for a better life in the cities, and of course the best of all---Jasmine Yang Xi Zi Wan Boulet, a dream baby. She is hope, she is healing, she is pure joy.

"You haven't done this for awhile."

Beijing-Monday August 20th.

We flew from Guangzhou to Beijing because baby Jasmine had to jump a few hurdles before the Canadian Government would give her a visa to enter our country. Her biggest hurdle was a medical exam at the SOS clinic in Beijing. We had to get her ready for 8:00 am on Monday morning. So I dressed her in her best outfit, a little red sailor suit, that matches her Canadian visa photo. We went down for breakfast, and at 7:55 am she promptly spat up on herself, and on her adoring Mother. I took her upstairs to get her dressed...AGAIN...held up the bus, and finally made it to the clinic.

At the SOS clinic we met Dr. Lucy Chen, a lovely woman who had a medical degree from McGill University framed on her office wall. It was a comfort to meet a Doctor from Canada, who had grown up in our hometown. Dr. Chen was married to a fellow Chinese-Canadian, and after graduating from McGill they decided to try to make a go of it in China. Her husband is a lawyer and they have two children, a son who is a bit younger than Louis, and a daughter.

Dr. Chen showed me photos of her family. "What beautiful children," I said. "They are 10 years apart," said Dr. Chen," we adopted our little girl."

With that I squeezed her hand.

She started to look at Jasmine. "She's a very robust little girl," she said. "The strongest child I've seen from the orphanage this morning."

Baby Jasmine likes to eat, we've known that from the moment we got her. We are very lucky, because her height matches her weight, she shows no signs of malnutrition. But the best news came next.

Dr. Chen rang a bell on the left side of Jasmine's head, then used a squeeky toy on the right. Jasmine followed the sounds from left to right. She sat up straight. She smiled. She gurgled.

"Does she crawl?" Dr. Chen asked. "Louis taught her this week," I said. Louis had put her on the hotel floor, and put her favourite toys across the room. She loves her pacifier, and she sped across the carpet to get it.

"She's developmentally on target," Dr. Chen declared. "All the kids are strong, this orphanage may not have been able to spend enough time with the fussy eaters," she said. "But all of the kids are physically strong, that's a good sign from any child that is institutionalized."

Then Dr. Chen began to undress Jasmine, and she started to laugh. "Her diaper is on backwards," she said. " I guess you haven't done this for awhile."

The Orphanage

Yesterday we were invited to visit the orphanage where baby Jasmine lived for the first nine months of her life. It's called the Yangxi Social Welfare Institute, and it is about three hours west of Guangzhou in the countryside.

It was a very emotional trip.

Jasmine comes from the town of Yangxi. It's pretty small by Chinese standards, there are about 50,000 people who live there. But our translator, Connie, told us there are about half a million people who live in the county.

Yangxi county is very beautiful. And very different from the big city of Guangzhou. Yangxi is filled with mountains, and rivers, and rice patties, and rural living. It's very close to the South China Sea, so the main occupations are fishing, and farming.

Jasmine stayed back at the hotel with Pierre because it would have been a very long bus ride for her, and we want her to be strong for all the travel coming up to Beijing and then Canada.

So Louis and I went, along with several other families in our group.

We got to the orphanage at about lunch time. I was surprised to see a very modern building, with a nice garden in front. We met Mrs. Qin who is the director of the facility. We knew we were lucky to visit, because it's rare to get a glimpse inside any orphanage, anywhere.

Upstairs was the "baby room", there were about 30 children there, all under the age of 12 months. Nap time had just begun, and there were three nannies there to care for all the children. They showed us what was Jasmine's crib. It was clean, but very sparse. There was no mattress, just a wooden board to sleep on. The bars on the crib were made of steel. Each child had a receiving blanket to hold onto, which explains why she always needs one now, it really is her security blanket.

The babies were in good shape, well fed. But what struck me was how colorless the room was. It was white, with a beige floor. There was no artwork, no toys in sight, no music, and the nannies obviously were running non-stop to care for them. It appeared that the kids spent most of their time in their cribs. There were several allowed down on the floor to crawl. The orphanage director said the kids favourite time of day was when they were put outside on the veranda in baby chairs, and they could all get some fresh air.

Some of the kids were adorable. One little girl with a very runny nose, just couldn't stop smiling. But Connie pointed out one little girl who was very tiny, but was walking. The little girl had been rejected by an adoptive family a couple of months before because they felt she was too small. Now she was walking, and Connie said the chances of her finding a home were slim because she was over 12 months old.

The room answered many questions for me. It explained why Jasmine needs a blanket. It explains why she is very social, because each crib is right up against the next one, so the kids biggest entertainment is each other. It explained why she needs to be held all the time. She's making up for lost time.

It also explains why the past week has been a big transition for her. Suddenly she has people doting on her all the time. Now there are colours in her life, a stroller, walks outside in streets packed with people. She's had Pierre singing to her, she's had her first real bath. Talk about stimulation!

The other message that came through loud and clear is that it will become increasingly difficult to adopt children from China.

The orphanage director said the Chinese Government wants to look after it's own kids. They are now encouraging Chinese families to adopt domestically. Chinese couples can adopt a child within two to three months, they are allowed to visit the orphanages and choose their child. Canadians are now waiting two to three years, and are matched with a child by the Chinese Centre of Adoption Affairs.

And the "one child policy" is becoming much more flexible. In the countryside, people can have two children. In the city an emerging middle-class is having more than one child, because they are wealthy enough to pay a "penalty" to the Chinese Government. And this year the Government passed a new law to pay pensions to families who have two girls. The pension plan is to encourage families to hold onto their girls. Historically boys have carried on the family name, and taken care of their parent's when they reach retirement. The pension plan has had a dramatic affect, the orphanage director says this year far fewer girls were abandoned.

The orphanage director said the main reason why children are still being abandoned is poverty, and the social stigma that surrounds being a "single mother" in rural China.

Most babies are given up within days of their birth. After lunch they showed us where our kids had been left. They really are sisters. All were found within a 10 block radius of the orphanage. Some were found outside the gate of the orphanage, one was outside a nightclub, there were twins in our group found under a tree in a public market, one was outside a restaurant, one was found outside the main entrance of a modern housing complex. Jasmine was found at the east entrance of the most beautiful public park in the middle of the city.

In most cases, the orphanage director says the kids are wrapped in a blanket, and left in a very public place. Because she says the Mother's want the kids to be found within minutes. We asked her if one day the children might be able to find their biological Mothers. She said at the moment it would be impossible, because unlike Canada, the Chinese Government still enforces strict confidentiality around adoptions.

But she also said, one can never know the future. I know it would be possible, because the documentation that both Canada and China holds on baby Jasmine would make it very easy to re-connect. I hope one day it will happen.

Bananas

When baby Jasmine was handed to us by her nanny from the Yangxi Social Welfare Institute last week they told us, "Chinese babies like formula mixed with rice cereal. And Chinese babies like their food quite hot. No cold food for Chinese babies."

All of the parents dutifully marked this down. We were also told that, "Chinese babies like to have their tummies covered with blankets when the sleep."

Got it.

So for the past week, I've been following the instructions. Three scoops of rice cereal, three scoops of formula, mixed with warm water, and voila, a dinner fit for baby Jasmine. It's quite a thick mix, but she really does like it.

This morning I thought she might like something a little different. So we gave her mashed bananas with congee. Congee is Chinese porridge, it's warm, with a bit of oatmeal mixed in. Baby Jasmine thought this stuff was amazing, especially when I mixed some bananas in with it.

We've been living in a very fancy hotel for a week, and I thought today I would try to bring some routine back into her life. Up for breakfast, a bit of banana congee, dressed, and out for a walk around Guangzhou.

We had a really good walk. She is a very cute baby, so she inspires lots of attention. She was in the stroller as I pushed her near the Pearl River today, when a Chinese Granny wanted a peek.

She stroked her face, then picked her up. And began showing her to all of her friends. She asked how old she was. I explained she was 8 months old. She gave her a hug. She wanted to know more, so I pulled out my handy, dandy, English/Chinese explanation card.

The cards say in Chinese Characters and English that baby Jasmine is a Chinese orphan from Yangxi, that she is an 8 month old baby girl. That I am from Canada. That I adopted her, and that now we are her parents. And that we are very happy.

The woman read this, closely, she looked at me, and held my hand squeezed it and smiled.

Then she explained this to all of her friends. They had quite a discussion about this. They were all chatting around the baby. They held her, and hugged her. Then the older woman helped me push the stroller.

After a few minutes, I motioned that I was going up another street. She waved good-bye. I walked about half a block, when the Chinese Granny was back. She handed me a small bunch of bananas for baby Jasmine.

We'll have to have some bananas for dinner tonight.

Runny Noses

With all the euphoria, baby Jasmine has come down with a runny nose. Several kids in our group have been sick in the past couple of days. So it has been off to the hospital to see doctors, getting prescriptions filled, apparently children often get upper respiratory tract infections in the summer months in China's orphanages.

So we've been taking it easy. Not straying too far away from the hotel. But we did get baby Jasmine's passport application in today. We visited a very modern police office to have her photograph registered in a national databank.

We are hoping to make it out on one of the many excursions that Children's Bridge, the adoption agency has organized for our group. Tomorrow it's the zoo in Guangzhou. If baby Jasmine is feeling better, we are hoping to take part in the outing.

She is a very sweet little girl, even when she's feeling a little under the weather. More on the zoo tomorrow.